WHERE I BELONG 

This week, we’re highlighting how bullying and exclusion affect people. These are two topics I have personal experience of and have given a lot of thought to. I could talk for hours about my views, but this time I’d like to share my journey from feeling excluded to finding a sense of belonging.

At various times in my life, and even now, I’ve felt excluded and as though I don’t quite fit in. The feeling of exclusion is complicated. You can be sitting in a room full of people, taking part in discussions and, from the outside, appearing to be part of the group, yet still feel as though you’re on the outside. Strange? I know. What I’ve learnt is that this feeling is probably always lurking in the background. We humans are social by nature, and wanting to be part of the group is perfectly normal. It’s therefore entirely logical that, at times, one might focus a little too much on one’s own role. 

One of the hardest things you can do is to show who you really are, without holding back, and hope that it’s received positively. But by doing this, it’s much easier to find like-minded people. Sometimes you’re unlucky and you’re met with negativity, which is a terrible feeling that can make you withdraw. But it’s worth the risk. The important thing is to keep taking that chance. The world’s population is around 8.3 billion. What are the chances that there isn’t at least one person out there just like you? Be completely honest, what are the chances? 

My journey to find a sense of belonging has been difficult, and during several periods (mainly during those wonderful, hormone-fuelled teenage years) I’ve felt that I’ll never find the people who make me feel understood and seen. There are several reasons for this, but like most problems, it stems from what those around me have convinced me of. Societies have a bad habit of creating a mould that you’re supposed to try to fit into to be part of the group and feel ‘normal’. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, and standing out was very easy, and perhaps not always appreciated. At least, I felt that my personality and interests never really fit in with those around me. But I still put in both time and energy to look and behave like everyone else. I have to admit I didn’t manage it very well, and there’s a good chance that old classmates look back and remember me as the one who was a bit odd or strange – which I have no problem with today.

My journey to find a sense of belonging has been difficult, and during several periods (mainly during those wonderful, hormone-fuelled teenage years) I’ve felt that I’ll never find the people who make me feel understood and seen. There are several reasons for this, but like most problems, it stems from what those around me have convinced me of. Societies have a bad habit of creating a mould that you’re supposed to try to fit into to be part of the group and feel ‘normal’. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, and standing out was very easy, and perhaps not always appreciated. At least, I felt that my personality and interests never really fit in with those around me. But I still put in both time and energy to look and behave like everyone else. I have to admit I didn’t manage it very well, and there’s a good chance that old classmates look back and remember me as the one who was a bit odd or strange – which I have no problem with today. 

Being a bit odd, and perhaps a bit too much for some people, is part of who I am, and a rather essential part of that. Over the years, I’ve found my people daring to stand out and stop feeling ashamed of who I am. Instead of focusing on being like everyone else, I try to be a good person, which gives me so much more in life than putting my energy into seeking others’ approval. There will be times when you feel left out and misunderstood, but you must never stop daring to be yourself. You’re lovely just as you are, and you’ll find the people who see and accept you.

Lina Kronström

Member of the Executive Board, Social Policy